Comment:  What if we’ve gone too far and have played these games for years? How do we stop?
J&B: Acknowledging  your games  is the first step. One partner can decide to call a spade a spade and describe what is happening in a way that can be heard.

Comment: When I feel lonely and frustrated I take some time off and jog. I find exercise gives me greater perspective and later I can talk with my wife about our differences.
J&B: It’s great you found something that works!

Comment: Since I’ve started reading your Power Snuggles, my boyfriend and I have become closer by trying out your ideas. Thanks!
J&B: Glad to hear it!

Sarah decides she’ll have a surprise party and buy Ryan a new shirt for his birthday. She spends days planning the party and shopping. She bakes and decorates a beautiful birthday cake. She finds him the perfect shirt.
“You didn’t seem very pleased,” she says to him after the party.
“I said ‘Thank you’ didn’t I?” he responds.
Later he confesses that he would have enjoyed the day much more without the party, without the shirt. He would have loved playing golf with his friends in the afternoon and going out with Sarah to a quiet restaurant in the evening.

Sarah had followed the Golden Rule. She would love a surprise party given for herself and she loves new clothes. Instead she should have followed the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would want you to do unto them.” Her perfect gift to Ryan would be to encourage him to play golf with friends, followed by a quiet evening with Sarah at his favorite restaurant.

The Road to Power Snuggling
Often the Golden Rule is accepted as the “right” way to treat people. However, when you are searching for that very special way of pleasing your partner, the Platinum Rule wins every time. Dale Carnegie noted in How to Win Friends and Influence People: “I am very fond of strawberries. But when I go fishing I don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangle a worm.”

Your Weekly Homework
With your partner discuss the times you each used the Golden Rule and it backfired. Then discuss how the same situation would have evolved using the Platinum Rule.