Avoid the Golden Rule to Improve Your Relationship

The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you,” sounds like it would improve your relationships. But does it?

Sarah decides she’ll have a surprise party and buy Ryan a new shirt for his birthday. She spends days planning the party and shopping. She bakes and decorates a beautiful birthday cake. She finds him the perfect shirt.
“You didn’t seem very pleased,” she says to him after the party.
“I said ‘Thank you’ didn’t I?” he responds.
Later he confesses that he would have enjoyed the day much more without the party, without the shirt. He would have loved playing golf with his friends in the afternoon and going out with Sarah to a quiet restaurant in the evening.

Sarah had followed the Golden Rule. She would love a surprise party given for herself and she loves new clothes. Instead she should have followed the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would want you to do unto them.” Her perfect gift to Ryan would be to encourage him to play golf with friends, followed by a quiet evening with Sarah at his favorite restaurant.

The Road to Power Snuggling
Often the Golden Rule is accepted as the “right” way to treat people. However, when you are searching for that very special way of pleasing your partner, the Platinum Rule wins every time. Dale Carnegie noted in How to Win Friends and Influence People: “I am very fond of strawberries. But when I go fishing I don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangle a worm.”

Your Weekly Homework
With your partner discuss the times you each used the Golden Rule and it backfired. Then discuss how the same situation would have evolved using the Platinum Rule.