Can you speak your partner’s language?

Partners can’t hear each other if one only speaks Joanish while the other only speaks Ronish

Ron: The brakes are wearing down on the Honda and the oil needs to be changed.
Joan: Yeah, I heard a squeak while I was driving with Martha to the PTA meeting. They had quite a crowd. I wish you didn’t have to stay with the kids last night.
Ron: Maybe I can get Bob to drive to the game and I’ll leave the car off on the way.
Joan: The teacher problem is getting worse and we have to do
something about it.
Ron: I better call now to see if they can take the car tomorrow.
Joan: The class size is terrible. We have to write to the school board!
As long as Joan only speaks Joanish and Ron only speaks Ronish, they will continue living parallel lives. True emotional togetherness requires learning and using each other’s language.

The Road to Power Snuggling
To speak our partner’s language we need to travel to their “country” and understand a different culture. We should listen attentively to their words, view their body language and then speak their language. The goal is for both partners to become as fluent as possible in a second language:

Ron: The brakes are wearing down on the Honda and the oil needs to be changed.
Joan: (Sees Ron purse his lips with a worried look) Right, that can be dangerous. I heard a squeak when I drove Martha to the PTA meeting. Are you going to be able to take the car in?
Ron: I thought I’d drop it off before Bob and I go to the game. How was the meeting?
Joan: Oh, great attendance! We decided to write to the school board about the teacher problem.
Ron: Good idea (as he pats her shoulder). We’ve gotta get smaller class sizes. Bob and I can also think of some ideas to write while we drive to the game.
Joan: I read that our pitchers are terrific this season, especially Thompson who’s starting. It should be a great game!

How did they make this transition? First they became aware that the language barrier was forcing them to lead parallel lives depriving them of a close relationship. Then they began adding more Ronish and Joanish words to their vocabularies. As with any change in habit, over time they will become more comfortable speaking each other’s language.

Your Weekly Homework
Think of conversations you have had where two languages were spoken. Try visiting each other’s country more frequently during the week. Congratulate yourselves as you feel more comfortable with the second language.