I Don’t Want You To Change Who I Am!

A New Yorker magazine cartoon shows a female leopard washing the dishes and telling her male partner, “I’m not asking you to change your spots. I’m just asking you to take out the garbage.”

The male leopard, like many partners male and female, is probably thinking, “I won’t change who I am! She is trying to control me and push me to be someone else.”

Au contraire! Changing behavior doesn’t mean changing your personality. Your personality attributes will actually be enhanced as you modify your behavior to support each other. Certainly, you don’t want to sacrifice who you are. However, you will both benefit by finding ways to accommodate the other without feeling resentful.

By using the conscientious part of your personality, which you use at your work, you can also be conscientious about helping your partner. By using the trusting part of your personality that your close friends experience, you can bring greater trust to your relationship.

It does require a behavior change but, yes, you can take out the garbage without changing your spots.

The Road to Power Snuggling
To Power Snuggle means you support your partner at least as much and hopefully more than other friendships, your work, and your hobbies. Think: “What will please my partner today?” Over time, he or she will want to do the same for you. And your love will grow.

Your Weekly Homework
Together, recall the times when you asked for assistance and your partner’s first reaction was resentment. Then, both of you recall the times when you asked for assistance and your partner was willing to help as a friend would. Discuss how your partner’s response affected you in the two scenarios. Then vow together to reduce resentment and gain pleasure by helping the person you love. This will foster friendship and increase harmony.