Messages from Your First Love

How “first love” memories impact you now

Remember when you first had a crush on a boy or girl and could think of nothing else? Recall the feeling of waking up and seeing their face, hearing their voice and continuing the romance in your mind’s eye, enjoying the pleasure of pretending to hear them tell you they loved you? Even now you may think “if only I had married” this perfect person.

James Joyce’s story, “The Dead” (later a movie) tells of a woman whose first love died as a teenager. The woman’s current husband realizes that she is still thinking of her lost beau and imagining how life would be perfect if she had only married him. No matter how much her husband tries, he finds it impossible to compete with the lost love in his wife’s mind.

At times we might compare our partner to lost loves or to others we meet, or even to movie stars. This is comforting, but distorts reality. The romance of short-term glimpses seem perfect compared to daily living. Our real life is a combination of beauty and romance mixed with preparing meals, fighting traffic and paying bills. If we seek perfection, we will always be disappointed.

The Road to Power Snuggling
Recall when you fell in love with your current partner and work to recapture this romance. Think of the meaningful times you have shared. Focus on your partner’s admirable traits and reinforce these with praise. Find ways you can grow for your own fulfillment as well as supporting your partner. This will be a joint effort and an evolving process, allowing the two of you to become more “perfect” for each other. Chances are, you will again feel those “first love” warm romantic feelings … but this time with more meaning and depth … and this time with your spouse.

Your Weekly Homework
Write your memories when you first fell in love. Then, think of your feelings when you met your current partner. Discuss these thoughts together and think of ways to recapture the joy you had when you met.