Winning at bridge requires an opening bid and a supporting response. If your partner opens with three hearts, you know they have a hand full of hearts and they are asking you to join them with your hearts. You hope you can respond “four hearts,” but must respond according to the cards you have been dealt.

With love you have more opportunities. Regardless of your partner’s opening bid, over 90% of the time you will have what it takes to support your relationship.

What is a bid from your love partner? A bid is anything that they say or any action they take:
“Good morning!” is a bid; “Did I have a rough day today!” is a bid; a smile is a bid; a frown is a bid; “Do you want to go out to dinner?” is a bid; a touch on the shoulder is a bid; “Did you hear what happened downtown?” is a bid.

These are bids because they allow you to respond. You or your partner can respond positively, neutrally, or negatively to any bid. A simple bid such as “Good morning!” can elicit these responses:
Positive: “Yes, it’s a great morning! Did you see that our tulips are beginning to flower? This light rain should help our garden.”
Neutral: “Uh-huh,” as the responder continues to read the newspaper.
Negative: “Just like you on a dreary day, trying to make everything look good.”
Negative: Ignore – no response.

The Road to Power Snuggling
As in bridge, snuggling requires determining the best way to connect with your partner’s bids.Positive responses will bring love closer and negative or neutral responses will push you further apart. This doesn’t mean that if your partner dumps on you that you have to counter with a positive response; however, hopefully you can avoid upping the negative ante. We find most bids offered each day allow for positive responses, even with couples who are having conflicts.

Your weekly homework
With your partner, agree to spend the week consciously adding more positive responses to each bid you receive.
(We understand that both partners may not be reading these Snuggles and your partner may not be joining you in these exercises. However, your relationship will improve even if you take action alone. Again, persistence is key for positive results.)