The male leopard, like many partners male and female, is probably thinking, “I won’t change who I am! She is trying to control me and push me to be someone else.”

Au contraire! Changing behavior doesn’t mean changing your personality. Your personality attributes will actually be enhanced as you modify your behavior to support each other. Certainly, you don’t want to sacrifice who you are. However, you will both benefit by finding ways to accommodate the other without feeling resentful.

By using the conscientious part of your personality, which you use at your work, you can also be conscientious about helping your partner. By using the trusting part of your personality that your close friends experience, you can bring greater trust to your relationship.

It does require a behavior change but, yes, you can take out the garbage without changing your spots.

The Road to Power Snuggling
To Power Snuggle means you support your partner at least as much and hopefully more than other friendships, your work, and your hobbies. Think: “What will please my partner today?” Over time, he or she will want to do the same for you. And your love will grow.

Your Weekly Homework
Together, recall the times when you asked for assistance and your partner’s first reaction was resentment. Then, both of you recall the times when you asked for assistance and your partner was willing to help as a friend would. Discuss how your partner’s response affected you in the two scenarios. Then vow together to reduce resentment and gain pleasure by helping the person you love. This will foster friendship and increase harmony.

Sarah decides she’ll have a surprise party and buy Ryan a new shirt for his birthday. She spends days planning the party and shopping. She bakes and decorates a beautiful birthday cake. She finds him the perfect shirt.
“You didn’t seem very pleased,” she says to him after the party.
“I said ‘Thank you’ didn’t I?” he responds.
Later he confesses that he would have enjoyed the day much more without the party, without the shirt. He would have loved playing golf with his friends in the afternoon and going out with Sarah to a quiet restaurant in the evening.

Sarah had followed the Golden Rule. She would love a surprise party given for herself and she loves new clothes. Instead she should have followed the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would want you to do unto them.” Her perfect gift to Ryan would be to encourage him to play golf with friends, followed by a quiet evening with Sarah at his favorite restaurant.

The Road to Power Snuggling
Often the Golden Rule is accepted as the “right” way to treat people. However, when you are searching for that very special way of pleasing your partner, the Platinum Rule wins every time. Dale Carnegie noted in How to Win Friends and Influence People: “I am very fond of strawberries. But when I go fishing I don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangle a worm.”

Your Weekly Homework
With your partner discuss the times you each used the Golden Rule and it backfired. Then discuss how the same situation would have evolved using the Platinum Rule.

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Wishing you happily ever after,

Jon and Beverly